The Way We Were

Re-watching the X-Files tonight has brought back a lot of memories from the distant past.

It was first aired on TV2 on Wednesday night - for the next few years at least. And for that next few years, going out on Wednesday night was out of the question. I followed every single one of the series, faithfully videotaping them. It gave me something to look forward too. Mulder & Scully were my life then.

Mulder was the persona that became my dream-mate and that of my friends. Always pensive, brooding & self-absorbed in pursuit of the truth, he was the life of the show.

“Not everything is about you, Mulder", Scully once told him. Yet in his grave efforts to unearth the paranormal activities, he still kept about him some witty sense of humor. He was comforting when there appeared to be no more hope left in the world. Why David Duchovny was never voted by People magazine as the sexiest man in the mid-90’s is unforgivable.

I was watching an episode entitled ‘Lazarus’ tonight. Both Mulder & Scully were very young then. What came rushing to my mind was not just about how young they looked– it was also about how young & carefree I was then. It felt as though I was transported back into the old days where even the smell of the air was different. Where office work was exactly just that & proving myself to the powers-that-be was not a concern. Where playing office politics seemed to be a choice. Where everyday’s decision was simpler & every morning wasn’t riddled with yesterday’s problems.

As I sit alone on most nights, I worry about how many years I have left in this world–-and if I have done enough good to take me to the next life. I worry about my parents, my siblings, my friends--if some old-age illnesses are going to surprise us any day now. And if any slightest headache is a precursor to a bigger health problem. And if I am going to be there when my nephews & nieces grow up. And if they are going to make it in this world.

Will I be able to re-capture the simplicity of life again? Why has that simple life eluded me now?